This Journey

Well a few weeks ago I had all the intention in the world to update this blog regularly.  Sometimes the best laid plans go by the wayside.  

"I will delight to do Your will, O my God;

Your law is within my heart."

-Psalm 40:8

On Monday, November 1st my preeclampsia began to take over and get the best of me.  At my doctors appointment that morning things did not go in my favor.  My blood pressure was creeping up which started to affect my neurological system, and I was having contractions every 3-5 minutes.  With all of this going on at a mere 30 weeks pregnant, my doctor (and several other docs who have been keeping tabs on me) were not hopeful.  

I asked her how much longer she thought I could carry this baby, and she responded 

"I think you have a week left in you."

She left the room and I crumbled into an ocean of tears.

No, it's not time, it's too soon, he's not ready were all the thoughts swimming through my frazzled and exhausted brain.

Moments later I was sent to the hospital to be stabilized.  I was put on fluids, oxygen and (my nemesis) Magnesium.  Later that day I was transferred to another local hospital equipped with a high risk maternity unit and the best NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) in the state.

"The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you;

 He will be with you.

He will not fail you or forsake you.

Do not fear or be dismayed."

-Deuteronomy 31:8

Lets just say bed rest at home is MUCH better than bed rest in the hospital.  I won't complain about all the details here but it was a very, very hard week for me.  

The silver lining in the cloud was that I have never felt more covered in prayers.  My family and friends immediately stepped in to be at the hospital with me, take care of Lucy Mills 24/7, and reach out to me in countless ways.  I am in awe and feel so undeserving of their graciousness.  

"I cried out of my distress to the Lord and He answered me.

I cried for help from the depth...

You heard my voice."

-Jonah: 2:2

After a week in the hospital the high risk doctor let me come home for a 24-48 hour period. Well a few nights sleep in my own bed must have bought me some more time.  I remained stable enough to stay home and be monitored in the office and hospital 2-3 days a week. 

I have surely seen the power of prayer.  My numbers have been perfectly stable for two weeks now.  On November 1st the goal was to make 32 weeks and still be pregnant.  

Goal = Accomplished

Now we are praying every week to make one more Friday.  My goal now is to make Thanksgiving with this little turkey still in the oven.  

I know from past experience that preeclampsia does not get better, it gets worse and it gets worse fast.  The only cure is to deliver the baby.  

Even though I have been stable these past two weeks, Baby Boy has given us a little trouble.  Out of the five (yes, five insurance company!) ultrasounds I had this week he has not been breathing like he should.  Each time he does not cooperate I am sent to the hospital for 3 hours of monitoring and another ultrasound.  This happened three times this week alone.

Eventually he does what the doctor needs to see but it is somewhat concerning that he may be struggling with the task.  It does not indicate a lung problem, but instead that the preeclampsia is beginning to take a toll on him.  

Each week the doctor will determine if Baby Boy is getting what he needs from me, or if the preeclampsia is compromising his wellbeing and he would fare better on the outside.  

"Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you.

Before you saw the light of day,

I had holy plans for you" 

-Jeremiah 1:5, MSG

My prayer is that we will both healthily make it to 34-35 weeks before inducing.  Of course longer would be great, but I think that is a reasonable goal.  I would love to be able to deliver at Lexington with my doctors and be closer to home.  I trust the Lord knows what we need and will put us where He wants us.  

This week I will also be seeing a high risk doctor who specializes in maternal assessment.  After three trips to the hospital this week I hope this will be a relatively normal week.  The entire experience is both emotionally and physically exhausting for all of us.  

My sweet friend Carrie sent me the words from this praise song and my sister Susan also bought me the cd.  I meditate on its words when the days seem dark.

Water You turned into wine
Open the eyes of the blind
There’s no one like You
None like You
Into the darkness You shine
Out of the ashes we rise
There’s no one like You
None like You

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…

Into the darkness you shining
Out of the ashes we Rise
There’s no One like You
None like You.

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…

And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
What can stand against?

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…

And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
And if Our God is for us, then who can ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
Then what can stand against?
Then what can stand against?

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God… 

-Chris Tomlin

And of course these two bring so much joy.

(picture taken from my phone)